"Cake or Death?"

I'm sitting here vacillating between unbelievably devastated and irrationally pissed.

Those conflicting emotions never go well together, because there's no good one on which to settle.

BATTLE TO CLAIM WINNARRRRRRR.



Yes, that's salt crystals in my tear. I live in Florida, and my diet consists of processed microwaveable foods, you better believe I'm SUPER SATURATED

I'd rather have some different emotions conflict:
Hungry vs. Tired = Either eat the cake now, or have it for breakfast.
Happy vs. Jealous = Eat your cake, or steal someone else's.
Claustrophobic vs. Euphoric: Eat your way out of the cake DO IT NOW THE ICING IS CLOSING IN ON YOU or Eat your way out of the cake WITH A SMILE

But Devastated and Angry? Weep in your cake or throw it on the ground?
Neither of these are satisfying.

Sleep Issues

I've been having trouble falling asleep lately. We've gone from the extreme pass-out-in-two-minutes-fall-fast-into-REM to the current toss-and-turn-for-two-hours-and-pretend-like-the-clock-won't-think-it-counts.

Counting sheep is silly; there is no way farm creatures are that orderly.

But, I've come up with two solutions that seem to work:



1) Laundry basket over the head. Maybe it feels like the womb. Maybe it's the confounding claustrophobia: seal me off in a tight space so I feel protected, but make it easy to escape from because MY GOD THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN. Maybe I'm just a basket case weird.

2) Mattress on the floor. Maybe it's the change in position. Maybe it's the stability. Maybe it makes me feel more grounded...stopit.

In any case, both work, but the former would be more interesting to walk in on.

Me and my two hours of sleep (this accidental schedule is so jank) are going to go see if we can work the coffee machine.

Therapy: Throw all your problems on the table, that way you don't have to choose just one!

T: “So why do you think people are your friends?”
...silence
...
...
“I guess I’m not usually mean to people.”
“Anything else?”
...
...
“I'm done, that's all I got”
“Well what do you think that they would say about you?”
...
“That I’m crazy.”

Origins

A radiated vole lives in my head,
The size of a pea until ignited with dread
Things thrown out of proportion
Thoughts left in a contortion;
All sanity hangs by a single thread